Thursday 19 February 2009

Thoughts

My sister is getting an MRI today. She has swollen optic nerves and a blurry spot in one eye and they think it might have something to do with her brain. I really know little about it... the younger brother called and we talked and he mentioned it and then my sister got on and told me about it. But, her eventual comment bears some explaining.

My sister and I when we go out together have a strange thing happen to us. She's 15, I'm 21. I'm regularly mistaken as younger than her, with me as the younger one and her as the older. One lady thought she was 16 and me 13. Another thought she was in college and I was the one in highschool. A third time a museum curator scolded her for baiting her younger sister, when we asked how old the lady thought we were, she was thought to be 19 and me 14.

I'm not necessarily upset about this, (okay, I am but I also think it will be cool when I'm old and I'm mistaken for younger). Last night though I was reminded of why she's mistaken as the older one.

We were talking, and she mentioned on the swim team that another girl she swims with had similar problems and she ended up having calcium deposits in her eyes. And I asked, "Do you think it's because of swimming?"

Her: "No, it's a coincidence that we had similar environmental factors." (What 15 year old talks like that?)

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I've been feeling rather sad lately... I think mostly because its nearly that time of month, and normally I get rather weepy around that time. I hate it, because I'm sad and there's no reason why and I feel listless and don't want to get out of bed and have very little energy.

It will go for two or three days, and I'll be withdrawn and antisocial and generally try not to take everyone down around with me. And then just as suddenly, I'll snap out of it and I'll be my overly happy cheerful silly self.

But it just bothers me when I'm in the sad mode because I know I'm sad, I know the reason why, but it still feels to me like I'll always feel sad like this, that it will never end, and that the world just hates me. Its so irrational.

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Other random notes:

My sculpture is going well. I've made the wings. It really does look better without a head.

My last yarn I tried spinning was in this beautiful color, and I'm so excited about it. I spun it real thin, and I love how it came out (Navajo plied) except that the yarn kept loosing so much of the twist it broke while I was plying it. Especially toward the end. Does that mean I'm not giving it enough twist, or is there another problem?

Spinners, your help would be appreciated.

Thursday 12 February 2009

excuse the mess

I was messing around with the template, as I am wont to do, and things are a little... messy right now. I'll have things back to normal a bit later.

Busy Times

I've been working on a sculpture in my advance Sculpture class lately. It's a figure, and it has wings and a tail. I'm really struggling with it, both because I've never, ever done anything with the human body, and my understanding of how the human body fills space is rather warped (both because of my own self-image and because in some ways I really don't pay attention to it).

Anyway, the other day I was in a meeting with my professor and I told him that I was so frustrated with the head and arms because I couldn't make them make sense with the rest of the sculpture. I wanted to chop them off.

And he said, "Let's do it then."

In short order he was cutting through metal and I was clutching on to the sculpture for dear life both to hold it up and because taking off the arms and the head seemed so... drastic.

And it was.

But you know what? The sculpture looks better now.

I've been thinking about making changes, and how sometimes it is the shaving away of a little bit of plaster that makes the difference. Those little shavings, when they add up, make the sculpture look a lot better. But each of those shavings is rather easy to do, because it's not that hard to change back.

Sometimes though, you need to make big changes in order for something to make sense. And it can be scary and make you feel vulnerable.

But its worth it when the end result looks better, is better.

It makes more sense.

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In other news, I've been crafting a bunch but have been reluctant to take pictures of things. I'll have to soon though, because they are soon going to be given as gifts, and then I won't have any pictures.

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of writing something on the blog every now and then. I was silent for a while, and I'm not going to appologize for it- because this is my space.

It was necessary and now I'm back.
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